September 27th, 2000


Journal Coma

It's hard to get back in the habit of something that you've been away from for quite awhile. I haven't religiously updated my journal since the start of summer--maybe there just wasn't much to write about. I wish that I could say something profound and interesting now, but sadly within those three months about all I can contest to learning is all about medicine in the ER (pronounced like the end of words such as strongER, longER, fastER--not two separate letters).

I can also proudly proclaim that I've also completely lost the ability to gauge the various degrees of flirting. So to keep confusion with males to a minimum I hereby deem all future flirting as purely friendly. As simplified as this may make my interactions with people, it still does not alleviate my frustrations. I still posess the ability to vary my flirting, but as far as my one-track flirting sensor goes, that feeling is never reciprocated. I'm completely aware that this may be a ridiculous idea, but until someone suggests a feasible solution, I remain clueless.

The thing I find funny is that in analyzing all my friendships (not just my encounters with a certain guy) I finally think I can see how I overeact in many situations. However, I don't believe that my reactions don't fit the way I'm treated, but rather that I put too much energy and emotion into relationships that deserve far less--perhaps no energy at all. Blaming my friends is ludicrous, I should expect more from them than they're will to give. You could call it settling, but for now I call it coming to terms.

Hmm...I wouldn't call that negative, per se, just accepting the circumstances. And that's what I plan on doing more of from now on. Rather than always thinking about what could be or even should be, I will look at life merely as it is.

Alright, so I've rambled far too much this entry. I attribute what I say to lack of sleep I've had this week and with sleep will come sanity--including in my journal entries. hehe....