November 14th, 2001


(no subject)

I hate it when I feel that I'm over with something...and I'm not. that to a point I've learned to deal with a bad event in my life and although I would do anything to change it, I've accepted that I can't and that life will move on even though things change. However, little things, like TV shows, little comments people make, even the weather, bring back all those sad memories all at once and again it makes you sad... like when you first had to deal with that bad event. It reminds you that things won't be the same, that you miss how they were and you can't imagine how other people are feeling about this--almost surely that they're hurt more. But just knowing that someone feels more pain than you about this one thing makes it worse, because you don't want anyone to feel as though you do, you don't want someone to have this pain that resurfaces at any moment. Although it may sound sadistic, it's probably good to feel this way sometimes... to realize that you are capable of such intense feelings. But what I ask right now is why do they have to be feelings of grief.... why not happiness? love? joy? encouragement? Why do the most intense things in my life have to be sad?